Art that is Personal

January 21.

I think all the work i make is personal in some way, but it is indirectly personal, in that there was a moment of inspiration which, like a game of telephone, ultimately transforms into something quite different--in many cases, bearing little to no connection to its inspiration.
      Last week, I was having a conversation with a friend about how it can seem like we are conduits-like the work is making itself through our actions.  I think this is partially what happens, but the numerous decisions that go into a work are our own, and nothing would ever get completed if we questioned the "why" behind each of those decisions.  So it becomes intuitive.  Acting on an idea without overthinking it. 
   Lately, i have been very immersed in technique. Playing with materials.  Experimenting. I felt the time had come to work on a piece that was truly personal, without the disconnect. 
   Several years ago, I had a relationship end. It ended because it needed to, but the love I shared with my ex was profound and unwavering. About two years went by, and I happen to get an old "mystery" roll of film developed, and here was this picture.

The image moved me...so much.  So i hung on to it.  Fast forward several years.  Events cause me to revisit this time in my lift, and it is uncomfortable.  So I decide to process it by making a piece out of this picture. 

Working in the collage technique, I started it this way.  Then, knowing that i want texture in the faces, but there is very little to be had in the pic, I decide to render the sun's rays in cigarette butts for a myriad of reasons I need not get into here. 

I spent a few hours today wandering aroung picking up butts. I felt like a weirdo, but I am inspired by the bold performance art of Pope L. called The Great White Way where he crawls in a superhero costume all along Manhattan's Broadway over a period of nine months.  Just him.  No one there to ease the harshness of his own spectacle.  As I  picked up cigarette butts, I thought about what each person may have been thinking about while they smoked it.  Some had lipstick on them.  Some were smoked all the way, and some looked as if just a few puffs had been taken before casting the butt to the ground.  I found myself constructing narratives and feeling like a little bit of the person's essence  (as well as their DNA) will be incorporated.  To keep the piece personal, I walked a route that is relevant to the subject.  Lots more work to do here, and yes, my apartment stinks.